im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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