obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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