Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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