We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
