she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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