Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
