so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
