somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
