So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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