I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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