I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had sex on a dog bed..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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