He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
