It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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