I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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