I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
