Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
