I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
