I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
