I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
