Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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