he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
