You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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