If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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