it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
