watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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