can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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