Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
