Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
