Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
