i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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