Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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