cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
