she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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