She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
