My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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