I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
