Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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