you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
