the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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