So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
