Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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