He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
