And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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