I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
