It's Friday. Sex?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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