i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
