he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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