first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
