She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
