I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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