can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
