you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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