So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
