Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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