I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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